Case of the Ex

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

"A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one."

Doesn't everybody have someone they can't get over? I thought I did. Sure, I dated other people and stopped thinking about him. I moved to another state, city, and coast while he stayed here. It would be hard for me to not move on. I crave experience, maximizing my day, and infuse everything I care for with passion. Something was stuck in the air though, no amount of venting could get rid of it. After me, he dated another girl up until now. They're broken up or he's lying...probably both.  He informed me that "she hates your guts" and I thought of that quote "I don't care what you think about me, I don't think about you at all." He wanted to meet up with me again and "catch up" (I was like hey dude you spelled booty-call wrong). I was intrigued, what could he want from me and I'm moving to LA after I graduate in May so I might not see him again. I agreed to meet up with him...

When I saw him he was raving on and on about how much he drank, as if it were an accomplishment. (I've been waiting forever to find the appropriate time to use that Micheal Scott picture ^) He took a swig out of the bottle. Lovely. I don't drink at all so I never thought of binge drinking and blacking out as "cool"...shoot me. I could tell he was hurting and confused. He vented to me about the girl he had been dating. I expected to feel jealous but I didn't. I was thankful that I wasn't in that relationship and had enough courage to get out of relationships when I realized they weren't healthy anymore.

Not only had I moved on but I'm growing up, and I love it. Being scared and not knowing what will happen is oddly comforting to me. I've become more comfortable with myself, even love who I am. I was a different person when I dated him...insecure, way too young (14), had no purpose or drive, didn't know who I was. I'm thankful that I got out of the relationship because I needed to be alone to figure out who I was. I had guys in my life who taught me what I liked about dating and what I didn't.

Life's short and there are plenty of people who will love you to pieces. Never love anybody who treats you like you're ordinary.

"I've been there and it's not worth it. Don't forget why it didn't work out in the first place. You need to find yourself again. It's easy to run back because at one point you were comfortable, but don't let that cloud your judgement. Use your head, not your heart." 

As he dropped me off I kind of just wanted to get away from him. Being with him was like taking 20 steps backwards. I made it this far and seeing him in a dark place was closure that I am having a happy journey on my way to success.

It feels like I wiped my slate clean. Did I ever really love him? I don't know and it doesn't matter anymore. What I'm doing and the life I'm living never would've happened if I was with him. I'm glad I went to school far away from home and made myself homesick and uncomfortable. It forced me to move on from the place I'm from. Not forget it, but be able to look at it from a different point of view.

So bombshells have you been victim to an ex you just couldn't shake? Hopefully you find yourself focused and creating a life so that when you do run into him you can be pleasantly surprised by how far you've come. I hope you  know that there is a whole world out there that you can fall in love with before you give your heart to someone else. If you ever need advice/venting... I'm here to listen and motivate you :)
Stay hungry,
XO Emmy

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